Teufel! The car in front is a Toyota

Gloom everywhere in the car industry. Chrysler is going for a song to Fiat... and GM is going, well, bust  – in a carefully managed, politically sensitive sort of way. And it's not much better in Europe. Sales of new cars across Europe fell by 9% in March 2009 compared with a year ago, according to the European Automobile Manufacturers' Association.

But wait, what's this? In Germany, Europe's largest car market, sales are actually up – and by an astonishing 40% last month. The reason for this anomaly is not hard to fathom. It's called scrappage, which means the state doles out cash (€2,500 in Germany) if you exchange your old banger for a new, or near-new, vehicle. Wunderbar! Let's all have more of it. Even at this moment Alistair Darling is preparing a parallel scheme for the Budget, and Gordon Brown has as usual gone overboard by promising to save the consumer – if not the world – £5,000 on the cost of a new electric car. Never mind that these vehicles are, to date, technically inadequate for most daily usage.

Before getting over-excited let's take a closer look at the German scheme, for all is not what it seems. Yes, car sales have soared. But have the German car marques – BMW, Mercedes, Porsche, Audi and VW – been the main beneficiaries? No they have not. Not many of their models, even in nearly new condition, are priced under €10,000. The cars in front are foreign-owned Toyota, Nissan and Honda. So much for propping up the German car-manufacturing sector.

It's no wonder Sarko thinks German chancellor Angela Merkel "doesn't get it".

We can drink to forget – it's official

Phew! The drinks industry and the supermarkets can breathe a sigh of relief – for the moment. Gordon Brown has cracked down sharply on the suggestion made by his influential chief medical officer, Sir Liam Donaldson, that any alcoholic drink should cost a minimum of 50p.

Now that pubs are in terminal decline, cut-price lager and cider promotions in the supermarkets are pretty much all that is propping up the breweries. Certainly branding isn't doing the trick any more, as the sorry demise of the once "reassuringly expensive" Stella has demonstrated with crushing effect.

For a while it looked as if the Scottish National Party's dalliance with a similar low-price ban was merely a test-market for the real thing, in England and Wales.  A little like the smoking in public places ban (another of Sir Liam's pet schemes) being trialled in Ireland before implementation here.

But Gordon has left us in no doubt it won't be happening (this side of a general election at any rate). Apparently, we need to take into account the wider economic impact of a ban in our present straitened circumstances - why should a feckless minority spoil it for the rest of us when all we want to do is drink and forget?

Don't be deceived, however. The nanny state – aided and abetted by Alcohol Concern and the British Medical Association – will be back for more.

Clearly, Portman Group, the UK drinks industry's main ginger group, is not being duped for a moment. Suspicious of further interference (a pre-9pm watershed ban, for example, on television advertising), it is preparing a major campaign to turn the tide of opinion back in favour of tippling freely.

Called Project 10 in the trade, it will be launched with the catchline Why Let Good Times Go Bad? and focus heavily on persuading people to exercise personal responsibility when consuming alcohol.

Self-regulation's the best regulation, eh? No doubt the financial services community would whole-heartedly agree.